In Memory

Gary Richard Stayback

Dear Classmates,

Classmate Gary Stayback passed away on January 16, 2017.

Life brings joy and sorrow.

The original posting of published death notices here in the “In Memory” section of the pascackvalley65.com website announcing the passing of Gary Stayback brought both joy and sorrow to some classmates and outrage to others.

The circumstances of this classmate's life and death are troublesome, and at the request of some affected classmates, the original posting has been relocated from this page for viewing by those interested by following the link below.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwmPkk3boNAHUTNLbkRkYkxWbGc/view?usp=sharing

 



 



 
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02/07/17 07:55 PM #2    

Bob Brooks

Norm....re: Gary S.....it's obviously a news story and not an obituary.


02/08/17 10:56 AM #3    

Walt Brown

Everyone remembered Gary as a big, fun-loving friend to all--in his high school days.  But we cannot forget the dark side.  I was playing a ball game the night he was arrested, and I heard the whole story from one of the officers.  A trusted police officer, doing a lot more than "fondling" in uniform and in a police vehicle?  Every loss drains every member of PV '65, but better the convicts leave us than those who have done much good for society. 


02/15/17 02:19 PM #4    

Karen Joan Krausche (Martin)

 

I am asking everyone who has a comment to please go and delete them.  And to email the webmaster under "contact us" and ask to have the obit removed with perhaps a note stating he died with the date . Nothing further is needed.  The posted obit serves no purpose and his family deserves better as do the victims . Let us all take the higher road .

Thank you

 

 

 


02/15/17 04:32 PM #5    

Stephen Lee Huganir

I have done as you have requested here Karen. Please understand that this subject reaches to depths that are extremely compelling to the most maximum degree.Thus,others are naturally compelled to express in regard to such.Nevertheless,due to the personal experience that you described in your post,I have chosen to cooperate with your request.

02/18/17 06:36 PM #6    

Douglas Kaiser

It's almost comical how the comments about his pedofelia have been deleted here. I might have well have posted on a CNN site.


02/19/17 01:40 AM #7    

Stephen Lee Huganir

Due to respect for Karen Douglas

02/19/17 01:18 PM #8    

David Norling (Norling)

It's unfortunate that Gary's obituary was published on this website that included the dark side of his life. None of us are perfect and yes, some may be worse than others but there's only One who matters when it comes to our indiscretions being judged. Personally, I was aware of Gary's indiscretion long before the published obituary since my brother-in-law is a retired River Vale police officer. Whiile I didn't know Gary well, I will remember him for his PVHS smile, like in our yearbook. RIP Gary!


02/19/17 07:28 PM #9    

Joanna Oleson

The announcement of Gary’s death was quite distressing. I searched for any other information about his life, but without much success. I have read everything our classmates have written here, and found the words at times both saddening, maddening, and helpful. I wanting to add something last week, but my thoughts kept changing, and I hesitated.

I suspect that, like me, others have struggled with this. It is such an emotionally charged issue, and there is so much we don’t know. I have no intention of addressing his guilt or innocence. But he, like all of us, was so much more than any behavior.

We know people were hurt, accusations made, a plea bargain rejected.  He opted for a trial, he was found guilty and served many years in prison. There were multiple charges and it seems likely he was guilty. But it is also known that people are sometimes falsely accused and imprisoned.

We know that childhood sexual abuse can have repercussions throughout life. We know there is a thing called false memory syndrome. And we know that many people never speak up for various reasons.  And as Stephen said, “We “know” what we “comprehend” that we “Know.””  Amazing!

---

I probably never exchanged any words with Gary. Even though he is smiling in the year book picture, and someone remembered him as “friendly,”  my sense of him from that time was of a sad, distant kid.

All of your comments have helped me to better understand him.  I have a different perspective, and do not see it as disrespectful to express our feelings, thoughts and memories, but I will try to respect other's concerns.   I am so sorry to hear of our classmate’s difficult experience. I cannot imagine how difficult that time was, but I was so impressed and give her so much credit for standing up for herself, telling her parents, and attempting to address the inappropriate behavior. How unfortunate that others, teachers, administrators, parents, therapists, weren’t able to find a way to reach him in those early years.  

While some of you guys say he was a fun-loving friend to many, it seems he didn’t know how to relate to women!  Learning that Gary was mean and hurtful to others as a kid, makes me think he may have had a hard time forming meaningful relationships, both in early years, and maybe even on the police force.  Rightly or wrongly, had he counted on his fellow officers to support him in going for trial?  Did he believe he was innocent?  Had he dissociated? IDK!  IDK!

It is possible, that the dialogue here is a way that Gary has been able to help us all by opening up a space to discuss these many highly emotional and uncomfortable issues?  To me, we have an amazing opportunity with the class of '65 website. We can revisit our own and our peers’ experiences and memories through the lens of  who we are now.  Some memories remain painfully raw wounds and haven’t healed.  This clearly has triggered some difficult, even traumatic reactions.  I truly apologize if I am adding to this distress.

I wonder if others feel we can express our pain, sympathy, sadness, and anger without feeling we are being disrespectful.  It seems many could benefit from processing this dark issue. If this page doesn’t seem right, please consider reaching out to someone privately.

You may not remember me, I too had difficulty making friends in HS, and I think I was successful in my coping stategy of being close to invisible. But now, I am definitely here if anyone wants to “backchannel” or whatever it is called here, to agree or disagree.

Thanks to all,

Joanna Oleson


02/20/17 09:27 AM #10    

Walt Brown

You may certainly delete my comment if the mention of criminal behavior is not tolerable on the website.  But if it is deleted, when my name appears here as "among those who have passed," please do not be afraid to note me as being hypocritical for only seeing the small picture.   What our former classmate "allegedly" did was an open scandal even before his arrest, but of course, we should not post that either.  I have never had a greater love in my life than for the time I spent at PV, and every loss saddens me.  It was the greatest four years I ever had, and they grow ever more distant with the passing of time.  This specific loss, while a subtraction from what was once joyous, was a blessing to many, many families who suffered from a classmate's behavior.  


02/22/17 10:40 AM #11    

Richard Pennino

It's always a sad day when you hear about the passing of someone you knew. I remember playing with Gary in grammer school. Rest in peace Gary.

 


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